Cutting,Cutting, My world is crumbling
by ShipperInFandomland
Summary: Tony's best skill is lying. He lies about work. He lies about love. Worst of all, he lies about his emotions. His world is crumbling around him and he can only sit there. He starts cutting, but always wearing long sleeves to cover up the scars. But when Steve finds a bloody razor in Tony's room, the truth comes to light.


Lying. That is the one thing Tony has always been good at. It's hard to tell what's real or not when it comes to Tony. But the biggest lie of them all is his smile. Everyone, even his boyfriend Steve, thinks he's always happy. That is exactly what Tony wants them to believe. But Tony can't hold up his act forever. The night is when the truth comes out. The night was when he couldn't hold his emotions in anymore. Every night, when he was sitting in his room, he just..broke..down. He couldn't control it. He could hide his true feelings during the day. He became extremely good at it. Maybe _too_ good. That just made it worse at night. He found an outlet for his pain. There was a secret drawer in his nightstand that only he knew about. The only thing hidden in there was a razor. Not a shaving razor, but a razor knife. Tony would take that razor and draw lines into his skin. The pain helped him feel alive. That he wasn't some hateful villain that destroyed everything in his path. Tony would make sure to close the drawer every night before he went to sleep. But one day, when Tony was drunk, a bit of blood got onto the drawer. Tony didn't think much of it, but that caused a chain of events Tony had hoped would never happen.

A FEW DAYS LATER

"Morning" Steve said, sitting down on Tony's bed. Tony groaned and sat up. Steve handed Tony a pot of coffee. Tony took a drink, waking up a little more. When he saw the tray of food in Steve's hand, Tony looked through his mind for any holidays. "What day is it today?" Tony asked, trying not to look completely oblivious to what day it was. "It's the third wednesday of the month, Tony." Steve replied, smiling sweetly. Tony groaned as he remembered. Today was cleaning day. Tony swung his legs over the bed. Rubbing his forehead, Tony got up and shuffled to the bathroom. Steve got up to leave, but something caught his eye. Steve looked at Tony's nightstand. There was some kind of brown mark near the bottom of the nightstand. Steve looked closer and saw a notch in the wood. When Steve pulled on the notch, a small drawer opened. Steve looked inside and saw the knife.

The knife had different shades of blood on it. A brown, shaky ring surrounded the knife. Steve slowly grabbed the knife and lifted it into the air. After gazing at it a moment, he slid the knife into his pocket. He thought on how to confront Tony about it. Should he do it one-on-one or with all the Avengers? As Steve was thinking, he shut the drawer. He was about to get up when a small blue thing peeking out from under the nightstand. He grabbed it and pulled it out from under the nightstand, revealing a baby blue spiral notebook. Steve opened the notebook and started to read.

Tony, during all of this, was getting ready for the day. He showered, brushed his teeth and hair, and got dressed. At the end, he looked in the mirror and practice smiling. He did this everyday. But everyday, he could never manage smiling on the first try. It usually took him three or four tries to hold a smile. Once Tony was able to hold a smile, he walked into the living room. Nat and Clint were sitting on opposite sides of the couch. A few feet away, Bruce was lounging on a armchair. Thor had gone back to Asgard for a holiday they celebrated there. " Morning Tony" Natasha said, shifting on the couch so Tony could sit down. "Mornin' " Tony grumbled, flopping down on thecouch. Just as Tony was getting comfortable, Steve came barging in and slammed something on the table. When Steve lifted his hand, Tony's heart stopped.

Steve had made his decision. There, in front of everyone, Steve revealed Tony's knife. After a few seconds, Bruce spoke up. "Steve, what is that?" Bruce half-whispered, his voice shaky. "Ask Tony." Steve replied, looking at Tony. Tony stared wide-eyed at the knife. "H-How did you find that?" Tony said, panicked. "That doesn't matter." Steve said cooly, "What matters is what it was used for.". Everyone looked at Tony for an explanation. "Tell them the truth, Tony." Steve said, glaring at Tony. "I-I" stuttered Tony. "It's my favorite knife. I like to use it in hand to hand combat when I don't have my suit." lied Tony. "Bullshit!" Steve yelled, grabbing Tony's wrist. Steve rolled up Tony's sleeve and exposed the scars. Everyone gasped. Tony yanked his arm back and yanked his sleeve back down. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Tony yelled, standing up. The other Avengers besides Steve backed up. They knew what was going to happen, and it wouldn't be pretty.

"What is wrong with _me_? Steve yelled, "What is wrong with you? Why do you hurt yourself?" "I do it because I need to check!" Tony countered. "Check what?" Steve screamed. "That I was still alive!" Tony shouted. Steve's face immediately changed from anger to sorrow. "And why do you care? I'm not that important to you anyway." Tony said, his voice low. "Not important? Tony, are you hearing yourself right now?" Steve said, stepping closer to Tony, "You are my whole world. I'm sorry I got angry. Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Steve asked. "I thought I could do it on my own. I didn't want you worrying about me. I wanted you to be happy." Tony said, looking at the floor. "Tony, I am happy. With you, my world got a whole lot better. I need you, Tony. I can't have you hurting yourself like this anymore." Steve said, putting his hand on Tony's cheek. "But.." Tony started. Steve silenced him with a kiss. "C'mon, let's go get rid of that knife and get you some help. Steve said, taking Tony's hand and walked out of the room with Tony beside him.

THE END

Oh, You want to know what was in the journal that Steve found in Tony's room? Are you sure? Fine. Here's a bonus scene you might enjoy :

The first few pages had scribbled out notes on. Steve flipped through and saw letters Tony had written letters to Pepper saying he didn't want to stay on the earth anymore. Steve almost cried when he saw them. But after the last letter, Steve gasped and cried. Tony had written, in big letters, "STAY FOR THEM" on the front and on the back of the page, there was a drawing of each Avenger's face with incredible detail. At the bottom of the page, bigger than all the others, was Steve's face, with the words "Please don't leave us, Tony" written above his head. Each page after that had a drawing of moments in Tony's life. The Avengers defeating Ultron. Steve and Tony's first date. Tony's birthday party. Steve and Tony's first kiss. At the very end, Tony had drawn a picture with all the Avengers standing together, hand in hand. At the top, the words "YOU ARE ONE OF US" screamed in big letters. Steve shut the notebook and cried. Steve knew what he had to do. He snatched Tony's knife and ran to the living room.


End file.
